Forum.forSuicideSurvivors.com

[Salvette]

God, so you actually lost your son, TWICE. I can certainly understand your anger and every other emotion we bounce around with. i certainly hope that girl is in jail. What a horrible thing to have to go through, I can only hope for him, the same as I do my father, that he is in a place where there is no pain, only happiness....
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"You are the Wind Beneath My Wings"
I hope you have found peace now daddy, I love you forever! Can't wait to see you on the other side. ~ 1940-2010~
Tattoo Pics: http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=31354750&l=7e76de2b7c&id=1015258011

[SweetSweet Nick]

I did you see your tatoo....@ of Nick's sisters got tatoos of his name on the back of their neck....ery cute for young women - not that I'm a geezer -- just a little to old for a tatoo. I wear a locket around my neck that my husband soldered shut that contains some of his ashes. I grab hold of it a zillion times a day..[/u]
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SweetSweet Nick

[Salvette]

Well I'm 38, I got it because I want everyone to know how much I loved my dad, I figure when i'm 70 years old and wrinkly, it won't matter cause it's in the back with the others. It's not everyone's thing, normally not mine, never on my arms but was thinking of a small one on my wrist, but went big and bold instead. Carrying a piece of your heart around your neck is priceless....
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"You are the Wind Beneath My Wings"
I hope you have found peace now daddy, I love you forever! Can't wait to see you on the other side. ~ 1940-2010~
Tattoo Pics: http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=31354750&l=7e76de2b7c&id=1015258011

[Joyce Newman]

Thank you for posting the beautiful poem. I can totally relate to "sitting and staring into space". There were times when I got home after dropping my granddaughters off at school this past year when I would come in, drop my keys, jacket and purse and plop down on the couch and just stare out the window at the tree tops for hours on end, sometimes till it was time to pick up the girls at the end of their school day. Thought I was the only one who did this.
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Message Board Steward
My Angel Brandy's Mom Forever
August 11, 1979-December 29,2006

[SweetSweet Nick]

If I may ask, Joyce, how long since you lost Brandy? I assume she was your daughter? I wish you the same thing I wish for myself...some kind of rest...Grieving is exhausting....staring helps me....I get lost in time...a moment of rest
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SweetSweet Nick

[Joyce Newman]

I lost Brandy the night of December 28, 2006 so it has been three and a half years since that tragic night. Somedays it feels like it was yesterday and thanks to this forum and the kindness and compassion of everyone here I can truly say I have come a long way in my journey to emotional healing, still have a long way to go but I am beginning to smile again and enjoy being with my granddaughters and living life. It is not the same as it was before Brandy's passing but it is getting to be OK once again.
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Message Board Steward
My Angel Brandy's Mom Forever
August 11, 1979-December 29,2006

[SweetSweet Nick]

That gives me hope....that the rest of my life won't be constant grief...right now I cannot imagine -- funny though...I'm starting to believe it is possible.
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SweetSweet Nick

[AlwaysMyHero]

That's such a great poem. Thank you for sharing.
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Daddy, you are always my hero. I will love and miss you forever. One day we will meet again. <3 x

[SweetSweet Nick]

Today I miss Nick so much I can hardly breathe - the thought of his last minutes by himself before he died - what was he thinking?? Why couldn't I help him? I truly fell as though I am being strangled -- I prayed for Gpd to tell me what it would take to get him back - no answer - just 1 more chance to put 2+2 together and help him...I HATE this --- I HATE my life now...I have searched everywhere & there are no answers - no rest - no logic - just this dull- grinding - never ending horrible pain . Please let it be over soon
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SweetSweet Nick

[missing1]

My heart just aches for you....you're exactly where I was for so long. Learning to breath again...who ever dreamed we'd have to learn to breath again, but I did. I cried out to God too, begging for the answer, how to get my son back. Looking back, those days and weeks of being in shock were wonderful compared to when the shock went away. During that time, I couldn't bare to be touched, didn't want anyone near me...I guess because it felt like they were in a world I no longer was a part of & it was a very painful reminder that I'd never be in their world again.

I also blame the woman who was in my son's life. He married her, even over every family member's warning. While she had no hand in the physical part of his suicide, she was the worst person in the world. A liar, coniving thief & I absolutely believe she has Munchhousen, NOT by proxy. She would do anything & I mean ANYTHING to get attention and pity. When my son passed, everyone said "She drove him to it" and I KNOW that's true.

Here I am, 6 yrs into this horror but I no longer count the days, weeks, months and now years that my precious son has been gone. Instead, I mentally mark off each day, looking ahead to when I'll see him, hold him and BE with him again. Each day, I'm one day closer.

You asked, "Why couldn't I help him?". That's every mother's question who's lost a child, no matter how their child passed. That question brought me more pain than I ever thought possible. I still visit that question when I'm down but for the most part, I know it was out of my hands; there was nothing I could've done. Which is worse? Wondering why I couldn't help him or knowing there was nothing I could've done? I hate both.
Loving Arms Surround You~~~
Marcia